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Friday, May 09, 2008

we are all guilty. just when and where

I seldom talk about matters of the heart when it comes to blogging. I was chatting with dear and suddenly felt the urge to write.

At some point in my life or our lives, we definitely had made some mistakes and hurt some people. I wouldnt deny the fact that i did not hurt people before, be it boy-to-girl or even between me and my guy friends. Not that i am suggesting i am not straight lah.hee

The weirdest and strangest thing on earth that could ever happen is that whenever we are in midst of a particular scenario or situation, there's no way that we will realise or understand other people's comments, remarks or any signs of unwelcoming suggestions. I must admit it is always on hindsight that i realise how grave a mistake and how deep a sin i ve committed.

I used to like that kind of company and that kind of false sense of security. Being surrounded by them was, to me, a testament of attractiveness maybe? However,as i grew older and seen more things, I realised its a kind of inflated ego that i tried to force on myself. The fact that i put my interest and happiness on others's pain and heartache is definitely selfish to the other party.Albeit how mature i thought i was, i was quite wrong.Maybe that is what we called LIFE. When we were younger, we used to dash relentlessly.We fell, got hurt, learnt and became more aware of ourselves and that of the surroundings. Maybe that's once again a learning process that cannot be avoided.

I am glad that i ve seen the light of so many things. I might have lost some passion and some fighting spirit but i had also shed some immaturity in myself when it comes to r'ship. I hope I am. I will always treat the people around me nicely and sincerely. What else matters more than seeing dear smiling when i buy her LJS. What else makes me happier than when i saw daddy smile when i gave him the jersey. Not at all. All the aloof and all the coldness during the day break eventually got heated up by the warmth when i see dear and see my family every evening.Maybe it took me longer to realise all these. But i did. I am glad. I love dear. I love my family.